Married and lonely dating
Your marriage can be disabled by boredom and apathy, and even die from emotional malnutrition and neglect. The dictionary will tell you that isolation is "the condition of being alone separated, solitary, set apart," but I like what our daughter Ashley said once when she slipped into my study to ask me what I was writing about. When isolation infects a marriage, a husband and a wife exclude each other. Because of the alarming number of couples in good marriages who are unaware of this problem, I must state forcefully a sobering truth: The soul was not created to live solo.
When you're excluded, you have a feeling of distance, a lack of closeness, and little real intimacy. We yearn for intimacy, and marriage is where we hope we'll find it. Telltale signs of isolation Barbara and I have seen this death of hope occur in the marriage of some friends.
Isolation has been shown to be the central agent in the development of depression, paranoia, schizophrenia, rape, suicide, and mass murder …
The devil's strategy for our times is to trivialize human existence and to isolate us from one another while creating the delusion that the reasons are time pressures, work demands, or economic anxieties." I believe that isolation is Satan's chief strategy for destroying marriage.
We were not meant to be alone in the most intimate human relationship God created.
Choose today to move toward warmth in each other and away from the chill of isolation.
She felt alone and apprehensive about their new life together; he felt puzzled that their conversation had dried up so quickly. She took a demanding job, and he was promoted in his. Later, when she returned to her job, she adjusted her hours to maximize her time with the baby. Their marriage wore down under the draining influence of isolation. He would quickly deny it or say, "When this phase in our lives passes, things will get better." Because their frequent spats became increasingly painful, each retreated and learned to feel safe that way.
Busyness and fatigue set in as they moved into the stream of everyday life. Both realized that life was smoother when they wore their masks, and they played the marriage game as if there wasn't anything wrong.
Make the wrong choices, and you'll know the quiet desperation of living together but never really touching each other deeply.
But at the weekend they recognized they had a problem.
They realized they needed to take steps toward oneness as a couple by biblically resolving conflict, listening to each other, and making God the Builder of their home.
Learn the art of healthy, transparent communication. So many marriages are ending due to isolation, but there is hope!
Attend a Weekend to Remember to learn how you can move from isolation to oneness and heal your marriage.